Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Allowing the 'Somewhat Perfect' to Be.


Change is Sometimes Amazing

I actually thought my first few chapters were pretty good. You know, just a few mistakes here and there, but nothing serious. That was just chapters 1 and 2. Now that I'm finishing chapter 9 and starting on 10, I've decided to take a quick look back at earlier chapters. It's like a slept through it all! It seems almost unrecognizable from what I've currently put down on digital ink. Sure there's some of what I am in the text, but I'm amazed at how much I've grown in just a few months. Of course, that's what I say now. By the time I'm finished, I'll probably have a different perspective on the entire thing.

So here I sit in a coffee shop in Charlottesville, VA reviewing all of the mistakes I've made in my earlier chapters. My eyes glaze over as I try to figure out what the heck was going on in my brain during those lunches and train rides, when fingers pressed down on black laptop keys, I have to remind myself this is how I got to chapter 10 (it's only a 12 chapter book). We all have to start somewhere right? If I'd never started with my fumbling about on this keyboard, I'd never be at chapter 10 now. I'd remain stuck on chapter 2, trying to achieve that impossible perfection in each sentence. For me though, perfect is not a possibility (doesn't mean I don't strive for perfection of course). So instead of being stuck, I decided to move past it and learn from it. Even when it's completed, I'll have to release a story that's only somewhat perfect (yes, I know somewhat perfect is a nonsensical statement. Stop picking on me!). But it has to be released right? I have to let it go even if it's not that fantasy achievement of perfection.

What's the silver lining? The discovery that change is sometimes amazing when you look back to where you've been. Those building blocks are what carried me this far, and I've learned to love them even when they're not the bestest and most awesome'est sentences in the universe. It's only me, learning to walk and stumbling a bit in the process. But that's how we learn to walk. Taking those painful, awkward steps towards those future goals. Without the stumbling, there's no walking. Without the walking, there's no running. And if you happen to have a kite, without the running you can't fly.

I strive to fly.